MAgical mySTERy tour...

Do you think the song "There was an old lady who swallowed a fly" is a bit of a morbid song to sing at school as a child?

I think the part "I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she will die!!!!!!!!!" is a bit too horrific a thought! Thank God I am 32 and not a horrified 6 year old because I actually swallowed one today!

I think I'll skip swallowing the spider, bird, cat, dog, cow etc etc (although I just had some chicken)!

Now I have seen a lot of strange things here in Ukraine (particularly boy racers showing off their Lada's with OZ alloys!!!) but this has to take the biscuit. No, it wasn't in the zoo, it was standing outside the outdoor shower just chilling. To say I was freaked out is quite an understatement! It's like Jurassic Park in this country really!!!!!

Anyways, I don't know if they are any relation to Tarantula's but they look very similar don't you think? This one was about half the size of my hand, I have never seen a spider so big in England before. Apparently they live in holes in the soil where the crops all grow (Tanya's family grow all their own vegetables. Very organic and very nice really - although too much fruit gives you the trots, take note!!)

Oh balls just as I was trying to send this my internet ran out! It's a 45 minute trip to buy more so I am actually typing this on the laptop in preparation for my cyber cafe visit on Friday (which for you will be today! Unless you are reading this later that is!).

On speaking to Tanya's dad (translated by Tanya of course) people used to be paid 1 Ruble to catch these spiders for the hospital for testing. In translation they are called "Crucifix Spiders" because they have a cross on their back. God knows what the Russian word for these spiders is (maybe someone here can tell me?) but I am now more than sure that because they are venomous (although not lethal) they are related to Tarantula!

No one told me this when I came to visit!! And here I was scared of the tiny spiders that seems to just float in mid-air here, I guess now I'm over that phobia! They seem quite small and placid in comparison.

So, on another note I think I have put on at least another 14lb on here. I am being plied with food and beer constantly. Don't get me wrong, I love it, it will just be hard work to get out of this amazing routine when I get home. What people forget to realise here is that the diet is for a genuine working man, not someone who sits on his arse all day doing nothing but typing and fixing PC's. I guess they no longer think I am skinny anymore!

You know, I have enjoyed it so much here. The summer is hot (36 degrees here now) and I feel like I can cope a bit better with this heat now, but alas tomorrow will be my last day here in Dnepropetrovsk. On Saturday I will travel back to Kiev where it's not quite the same. It's a much bigger richer city than here and it hasn't quite got the same Quaintness. When I look around me I see how simple this place is, so humble a beginnings my wife has had. But their manners and kindness stand out so clear - from an early age they understand the concept of hard work and close friendships. I don't see that so much in England, it's much more dog-eat-dog. People care about each others belongings here, it feels as though everyone is in the same boat so-to-speak. I really feel part of this family and so I will book another adventure here for Christmas. We will fly on 28th or 29th December and enjoy New Year here, and then on 7th January we will have our second Christmas! Only this time it will be white (confidently assuming our first Christmas in Liverpool wont be white again this year).

I'm a lucky lucky man really. Tonight we shall have a party to celebrate our marriage and assuming I am posting this blog on Friday I will have been rather pissed! So in advance I shall say "Ouch my head..."

Edit - I've just been promised something if I post this pic! I'm guessing I was still scared after the spider incident the night before!

Some bad news today here in Ukraine, as from the 1st July 2009 beer will be going up by 30% and drinking on the streets will become illegal!!!!!!

How will I cope I hear you ask?

Well "luckily" for me I am returning home to sunny England on 29th June, thus missing out on paying these extortionate prices for beer!

So what have I been doing?

Well after the longest coach journey in the history of man (10 hours) we arrived in Crimea at 7am. Luckily I had managed to sleep on the coach since it was packed full of six people. I think that's an average 20 seats each at least!

So like the typical Brit I am I thought to myself "Wow sun, beach, mountains, beer, (sexy Ukrainian and Russian girls in bikini's), sun again" and so headed quickly down to the beach after checking in to our very seedy hotel thingy (here's a pic of our beds)...

Baring in mind the whole excursion was 35 pounds each for a few days in Crimea (including travel) we didn't complain. In fact, we spend as little time in the room as possible (except for obvious necessities). Ok to continue my story, we arrived at 7am and headed on to the beach. By 9am I had become rather baked alive! Why oh why did I buy Factor 15?? Doh! Although here I am in the sea - the memory makes it all worth while...

So here I am sitting in the cyber cafe back in the city with my body rather sore! Every movement is rubbing the red flaming skin that covers my back and left side of my body! Unlike the very accomplished sunbathing Masters that were in Crimea (in fact they stood there in various strange poses making sure every last part of their body was of an even brown colour), I some how managed to burn just one whole side of my body and now look like I have a large white zip across my right side. A very strange look indeed - rather unhuman like.

And finally, I'd like to apologise for my writing mistakes! Apart from the fact I seem to have forgotten English, this PC underlines everything in red (because obviously I'm not typing things in Russian) and so it's making me confused about how to spell things. Funny how the brain works hey!

Hope all is well in Blogland?

I'm offski to bake alive once more...

So here I am (not in Kiev but close enough) chilling in Ukraine having such a wonderful time here. It's hard to explain how friendly the people are here but the warm hearts really do make a holiday a nice one.

For example, Tanya and I were on the bus and we were heading into the city. We past the street of Tanya's friend (Yana) who called Tanya to tell her to ask the bus driver to wait as she was just running down the street for it right now. The driver didn't actually wait for her, instead, shockingly so, put the bus into reverse, did a left turn and reversed the bus all the way down the street to pick Yana up!!!! Now that wouldn't happen in England.

Anyways I am having a wonderful time here (as I just said of course) and shamefully so I keep saying things like "wow how cheap" but actually it isn't true. To put it into context say I get paid 1500 pound a month and Tanya's friend who is a road policeman gets 1500 Grevna's a month (which is about 150 pound).

One packet of frozen food here that he wants to buy cost 36 Grevna's so that is 3 pound 60. (Exuse the lack of pound symbols I cant find one!!)

That's like me spending 36 pound on a little packet of food like smileys from Iceland. So now you can see how when I come here and say "Wow so cheap here" actually it isn't for the people who live here. It's far more expensive than England. 10 times more expensive!!!!!

But still - as I go and relax with my 50p Starapramen I am happy! Cause it is wonderful here (didn't I say that before??).

p.s. here is a pic of me asleep on the overnight train (as someone kindly took of me ) and another pic of me with two of Tanya's friends!

The actual song was this one - a song I would never in my life have thought I would be dancing to. But I did and it was lovely...

*drooling*