MAgical mySTERy tour...

Well I just went paint balling and somehow got shot in the face!!!

How the fuck it got into my eye I don't know, but it did! Luckily the full impact was actually just above my forehead so only spray went into my eye! But still - I think I should have had the mask on tighter!!!!

Ok so unlike PJ (was it PJ?) I didn't quite go blind - no hang on, hold that thought, I will answer that for sure tomorrow when the paint has had chance to melt my eye a little!

Anyways, other than that I think my ratio of shooting people to being shot was pretty damn good!!!

Mwahahahahaha *thinks about the point blank shot he fired*

Copy these questions, post your answers in your blog and tag five more people.

1. When in doubt... go Commando!

2. The most Tagalicious blogger is... Hmmmm, squeaky!!!

3. Given half a chance, I would... make love all night to Elliot from Scrubs!

4. I'd rather be... making love all day to Elliot from Scrubs

5. Who knew that... There is such a fine line between a nice Paralyzer and a curdled one? (contains Vodka, Kahlua, milk and coke)

====================

Ok and now I tag... (and I don't give a flying rats arse if you have been tagged before )...

Kerbear
divanat
EnamelSlide
EthelRed
Graybags101

...the temptation of the devil that is commercialism! Yes I just bought a Coca Cola from Walmart!

Soon I will be signing up for Facebook and Myspace and changing my ISP to AOL!!!

Not only did I buy a 591ml bottle of Coca Cola from Walmart, but I also bought a picture frame and a card! Yes I bet someone slaved for hours on that picture frame earning 4p or something!!

Canada is changing me!!! *looks in the mirror and freaks out a little*

Yes, soon I shall be at home buying myself a nice bottle of orange juice from Spar or The Mace! And the Liverpool Echo! I miss the Echo! Papers here aren't quite the same, there is no mention of footy!

Although....

CHRIS BENOIT!!!!! The Rabid Wolverine - creator of the Crippler Crossface! WTF happened there??? He seemed a rather nice person too as far as WWE wrestlers go! Ok for those who don't know what the feck I am on about, here is the tragic story of a wrestler who seems to have gone suddenly mad: -

Wrestler who killed family said he'd be late to event due to family illness

FAYETTEVILLE, Ga. (AP) - Two days before he and his family were found dead in an apparent murder-suicide, Canadian pro wrestler Chris Benoit told co-workers his wife and son had food poisoning and were throwing up, according to World Wrestling Entertainment.

Benoit strangled his wife, suffocated his seven-year-old son and placed a Bible next to their bodies before hanging himself with a weight-machine pulley, authorities said Tuesday.

Authorities offered no motive for the killings, which were spread out over the weekend and discovered Monday. No suicide note was found.

CLICK HERE for the full article

Anyways on that note - there is nothing more I can say!

No, not me! Or anyone with my baby actually. I'm talking about the quality film I saw a couple of nights ago. A film which I would never normally go to see!

This seems to be happening a lot to me, I really wanted to see 'Fantastic 4 - Rise of the Silver Surfer' (which has got crappy reviews) or 'Shrek 3', but obviously female influence - and outnumbered biased voting I ended up seeing 'Knocked Up'.

Don't ask me the names of the two people above because I haven't a clue - but he is one of the funniest actors I have seen on film for a long time! It took me about 15 minutes to get into the film because it was typical American boys humour at first - but once it got going...!

The whole cinema (or should I say movie theatre) was laughing for most of the film. Occaisionally someone laughed at a really strange moment (like the serious bit where he was depressed) - but that just made me laugh more!! Silly cinema-go'ers!

Basically the film is about a girl who works for E (the Entertainment channel) and she gets knocked up after a one nighter with said dude above! It's basically the trials and tribulations of that sort of unexpected occurence, and yep it's actually a feel good movie!

Anyways, go see! I highly recommend!!!

Right I am offski swimming - have a marvelous evening folks...

Ta ra for now!

..... from Chyna (thanky spanky)

What is your favorite word? Spud
What is your least favorite word? rad
What turns you on [creatively, spiritually or emotionally]? horny looking faces
What turns you off? text messages mid sex
What sound or noise do you love? dolphins
What sound or noise do you hate? meowing horrid cats
What is your favorite curse word? "bitch-ass ho"
What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? dolphin trainer
What profession would you not like to do? Sales
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Your grandma has been waiting for you"

Cool the radio just stated that Regina is on Tornado and large hail watch! Cool I hope so! I hope they are gigantic and crush lots of cars - but no-one gets injured of course! Plus I want to see a large animal getting sucked up into the tornado! Yes - that would be a great holiday story!

But alas - even here, I still haven't seen a bloody Moose!!!!

So tomorrow I will still have very little to tell...

Don't read this or you will DIE!!!! in like 48 hours dude!

Seriously you will! SO READ THIS - AND DIE!!!!!!

Yes! She is all over the place here! Her homeland - and I wouldn't mind... erm... ok I will stop there! Here I admit it - I like this song!

I made the stupid mistake of going for a few mile hike when the temperature here is 29 degrees!!!

Now I look like a bloody panda cause I was wearing my sunglasses the whole time!!

Ok so I cant actually get any of the pictures I have taken off my camera till I get home! So here have one I didn't take!!

You can see in the background the man made lake I just walked around! It really is a gorgeous place - I'm not sure there are many things to do if I moved here though! Although I could learn to skate - and maybe even ice skate

Since I have given up skidoo'ing after I crashed badly on my first attempt at Christmas!!

Edit:

The gramma on this post is shite! I am in scatter-brained mode so I hope you can forgive me!

Robbed from The Walrus himself! It looks a little sad at the moment but I will endevour to do another one in 10 years!!

create your own visited country map

A couple of quotes taken from an airline information site:-

How can pilots avoid a thunderstorm or lightning?

When there is danger on the ground, an accident or road construction, people driving in a car must take a detour and go a different way than they intended. The same thing happens in the air. Pilots will fly a different path and take a long detour to try to go around a bad thunderstorm. Sometimes they can fly up high and go above the storm.

But planes can't always avoid lightning. Lightning can strike miles away from the thunderstorm. Sometimes, in fact, an airplane that flies into a cloud that already has electrical charges built up in it can create a lightning stroke.

And....

Can Lightning strike a plane?

Lightning does hit airplanes and when it does it can damage the electronic equipment needed to fly the plane. Lightning research done during the 1980s by NASA had an F-106B jet fly into1,400 thunderstorms and lightning hit it over 700 times. The lightning did not damage the airplane but scientists found out that it could damage electronic systems on the plane. This led to requirements that all aircraft electrical and electronic systems have built-in lightning protection.

Many planes have their outer areas (called skins) made from aluminum. This is a metal that is a very good conductor of electricity. If lightning strikes the plane, most of the lightning current remains on the exterior of the aircraft and flows along the exterior and then away from the plane. Newer airliners are being made of composites which do not conduct electricity as well, but the outer skin is embedded with a layer of conductive fibers designed to carry the lightning currents.

Systems have been designed to help protect all of the computers and instruments that control everything in the airplane. Lightning protection engineers make sure that damaging surges can not reach the equipment inside the aircraft. Shielding, grounding and surge suppressions devices are used to help protect cables, circuits, and equipment. Every piece of equipment that is essential to a safe flight and landing of an aircraft must be tested and certified that it is protected against lightning. The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) sets the standards and put the regulations in place.

So in fact it seems that I wouldn't be dead if the aircraft flew through an electrical storm! So I am very much owed an apology!!!

CLICK HERE for the website!

So it's 9.15am by the looks of it - not too late and not to early! The weather is lovely again today, so at about 12 I am going for a drive! Yep - driving is pretty damn difficult here because the road markings are so plain. It's difficult to know when a road ends and another one starts because they are fairly dusty! Plus the fact that I am driving on the wrong side of the road - that's confusing at times! But ya know what I do miss?

ROUNDABOUTS!!!

At crossroads they have stupid 4-way stops here instead where you have to hope that someone lets you out when it's your turn. It's supposed to be whoever got there first gets to go first, but what happens if we all arrive at the same time???? It's not like you can just flash someone and say "go ahead" in sign language, because the other two might think you are talking to them and go too causing a three car pile-up! Not good!

Anyways, that dude disabled embedding of that video yesterday so here is that song again....

I'm kind of obsessed with this song again now - it's still as good as it was last time I was here! Strangely! And it still get's played as much!!

So what's been happening over there? I ended up watching just a couple of episodes of Big Bro before I left, but I see that there are more lads in there now! Are they annoying? Some dude won 10 grand on the first gay kiss! What the hell? How much did he put on it? Bookies can't be that stupid - he must have had money to burn and stuck a few hundred on it? Maybe I am wrong but like I say "You never see a poor bookie!".

I'm tired!!! I just realised!

Is it too early for beer? LOL Yeah I think so! Anyways it seems I missed the masturbatathon in Toronto in May! Everyone goes to some place and basically just wanks! It's open to males or females and I think the hope is to raise money for sexual awareness or something. I think that sounds like fun to me! Being a perve and all I bet watching other people would mean I was only there for 30 seconds or so! Doh! Oh well, I missed it anyways so there is no point dwelling!

Ta ra!

I forgot about the 7 hour difference! It's actually 3.24pm here and here's me thinking I was relaxing whilst everyone was in work! Well no, I was most probably sleeping whilst everyone was working!!!!

I did the same thing on Fathers Day too - I rang my dad at 10pm totally thinking it was about 3!

So the "washrooms" here were developed by perves! Why are there gaps at the sides of the doors so people can watch you taking a dump? Yes I suspect that's ok if your a girl (unless you hover) but it's not exactly private now is it! I mean I'm an "in my own home only" type of person, but the fact that a drive from one city to the next is most likely to be 8 hours, sometimes that can play a big factor in decision making!

So anyways, who else can't see the video on that last post??

I find it difficult to eat healthy food here. Although I have completed avoided Maccies, Burger King and Taco Bell! Believe me there about 50 other fast food chains here to choose from! The other day I had breakfast at Denny's. It's like a fast food breakfast place that cooks weird breakfasts that sound kind of English on paper! In fact click HERE to see the selection! It was a nice meal, don't get me wrong, it's just that bacon here is so different!!! It's like well done streaky bacon - not what I am used to!

*sigh* I just realised I miss nice English Danish bacon

Ta ra for now!

Before I begin - have a song to listen to whilst you read!

Ok so as long as you aren't distracted by that video above, I shall continue!

The flight to Canada was feckin scary!! The pilot kept trying to fly through the clouds to land in Calgary, but the turbulance was so bad the plane kept dropping a few feet and freaking everyone out. I think the situation was worse for me because I was sitting next to an old couple on their very first flight!!!! The old dude didn't seem so bad but the lady was pretty nervous and kept oooh'ing and aahhh'ing! Anyways, so the next second the aircraft went through and electrical storm and well I think at that point a few people fainted.

But shit was cool, the pilot finally got through the clouds and we landed safe! (Obviously - wouldn't you be really freaked out if I was a ghost typing this??).

So anyways, since I got here the weather has been shite! Until today that is! The good thing is, I've been inside West Edmonton Mall (click for website and facts!). Shopping is amazing there, and the sales staff are so friendly compared to England. They actually care about getting their commission (yep I'm a cynic) but at least it looks as though they are interested in having conversation with you!

Anyways, I got to Regina last night and so I can finally relax for a bit! I have spent around £400 so far since I got here, but I have managed to buy a couple of pairs of shoes and some t-shirts!

Anyways, I am offski to enjoy this lovely weather - hope all is well on the blog front!

5.30 to be exact, and then off I fly to somewhere nice and sunny! Well at least it better be sunny!

I've been stressing again - I always think I am going to forget something! And inevitably I do! Like today I left my diary of ALL my mileage at a school!! Very annoying because that's worth hundreds to me! Thankfully my colleague is on the case!

So anyways, I doubt I will be blogging for a couple of weeks, but have a good one all! Hopefully all will be well whence I return!

Oh and that opera singing dude - Pol Pott I think his name is - I think he should win that XXX show I watched earlier with Anton Dec or whatever his name is

Bastards kicked the Liverpool kids out!! Oh well... life must go on!

Woman jailed for testicle attack

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

'Pulled hard'

Sentencing Monti, Judge Charles James said it was "a very serious injury" and that Monti was not acting in self defence.

The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term but "open relationship" with Monti towards the end of May last year.

The pair remained on good terms and on 30 May she picked him up from a party in Crosby and went back for drinks with friends at Mr Jones's house.

An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them.

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".

He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.

She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

And on that note - I am off to bed!

Bloody weirdo's these scouse birds around here I'm tellin' ya

I was so grumpy last night I think I must have grumbled at everyone. I have no mobile now so I have no way of texting people. And I do a hell of a lot of texting - I think its getting to me!

The thing is - it takes 2 weeks to get a code to unlock my phone and I am going to Canada on Friday so I guess I should just bugger it and leave activating the new one till I come back!

*breathes after that long non-punctuated sentence*

So instead of paying Orange £20 - I am gonna get it done in a shop by the Dizzies in Ormskirk! Bugger it - I'll save a tenner that way.

I had my hair cut tonight, so I suppose I am happy about that! Life is pretty good for me, but I am just isolating myself from everyone and it's making me all the more lonely! I am gradually pushing everyone I know away so it doesn't wreck when I move abroad. I really shouldn't do it I know, but it just seems to be these bloody walls I have build around myself.

So I apologise for that too!

I was waffling to my non-existent dog in the car today. I say non-existent, I mean physically non-existent. Spiritually she goes everywhere with me when I go for a drive. I hear her sneezing and everything - it freaks me out because I am really sceptical about all that stuff! But she had a really cute sneeze that whistled like she had polyps in there or something! Still, since I waffled on to her about everything and anything anyway it doesn't change that I can't physically see her, because she never replied anyways. She just pricked her ears up and watched me talk to her - like she was taking in every word!

And today I had lots to worry about - and so I had lots to say!

Hope everyone else is doing good - ta-ra for now!

Feck it - I am going to bed! I seem to be in the shittest mood ever and I am wondering what shit to do with myself right now.

Night A/all

Yes this is how I feel my blog is sometimes!!! Sometimes I laugh at the things I say and sometimes I read back on the things and think "You arse".

Today I laughed and then thought "What the feck are you laughing at Kev" and then I frowned, and now I have just realised that this particular post is pointless!

Apart for the funny bus sign above!

But Abilene just pointed out that my 100th friend has 100 in her name! Wahey - stupid things like that make me happy! No-one better remove themselves from my friend list!

Anyways, I was just messing around with photbucket and compiled this. Its three pictures, one of Edinburgh and one of Hamish the Highland Bull I met in Scotland.

The middle picture is a picture of Tess in her cremation casket that I took this morning.

Yesterday I got home from Ireland and I noticed there were no cars outside so nobody was home. I walked up to the front door and got really excited to see Tess, but when I went inside I suddenly remembered that she had died. I was so gutted, I don't know what happened - whether it was the tiredness of the weekend, but I just felt so down. I walked upstairs just to see where she used to sleep and I saw her casket just sitting there on the shelf in front of a picture of my mum and dad. It's cute to know that she will always be with my parents wherever they go, and I am much more at peace now I think.

I had a sleep and then woke up feeling a lot more relaxed anyways...

This video was on everyone's mobile when I went to Ireland - and it became a trend...

I actually realised that a lot of young people I know are racist.

Here is the video...

At one point we were in a taxi and people were saying "Look there's someone who annoys us!" - "And another" etc

Pissed me off actually, I couldn't seem to get into that "fun" part of the gathering!

Needless to say though, I think that video is very funny and could be taken many ways!

So I came home yesterday to find that we had the usual selection of newspapers, and so I thought "I know I'll catch up on the footy and then Big Bro!"

So After 20 mins or so I was too tired to read on - and I was still only on the footy (p.s. Diego fecking Forlan??????? Are they taking the piss - we don't want Manc rejects) - so anyways I went to bed.

Now I just read the paper again today and what's in the Big Brother section....?

It was an ex of Chanelle's!

"Chanelle loves Victoria Beckham so much she liked me to bum her whilst she said "Take me up the bum David - go on you love it!!...

Go on take me up the Arsenal Becks style!

Oh god I love your Golden balls slapping on my arse David!"

I mean wtf!!!! I hate reading shit like that - kiss and tell! They're just jealous. He did say the classic line though "She wasn't actually that good!".

Hmmmmm arse! But he's like "£2000 just to say that - wow piss easy money!"

The thing is - if stupid people didn't read that crap.... dum de dum...

So I got home from Ireland and opened my phone bill...

£179!!!!

Orange have stopped my plan because it was only for 18 months. But they didn't bother to tell me!

So I rang and complained and I tried to cancel my contract but she was having non of it. So basically I have to give myself 24 hours to think about her offer and get back to her if I want to enter into that contract.

But thats not the point - I just want my £100 back!

So then I found this... CLICK HERE!

So Bye Bye Orange - I have spent over £6000 on my account there so you can feck off you rip off merchant you! And that very nice girl can go and cry in her soup!

Problem is I lose my old number and I lose some people from the past. The joystick on my old phone broke, and so I couldn't get to my contact list to write the numbers down. They still haven't contacted me - and now they wont be able to. It's sad but maybe I will be able to find them once they discover the joys of online in the future...

We're Liverpool! And we were on tour in Cork for the weekend! From Thursday night to Sunday, 5.30am I drank over 50 pints! Not clever - so don't follow my lead ok!

The thing is, I never gave myself chance to get a hang over because we drank so early - until today that is!

And God did I feel it - I was shaking and going through cold turkey all day. I was puking blood and everything! Joyous! So luckily I booked tomorrow off work.

So anyways, 23 of us went on the stag do - watch this space for some amazing video's coming soon! Actually, I still feel pissed - how weird! But I now have a week to recover before I fly to Canada. Well no not even a week, I have 5 days!!!

So well done to Lee for surviving the whole of Saturday dressed up as the only gay in the village - the red suit was great!

And to answer a couple of questions from earlier blogs, I actually move to Canada in August! Only for a year initially - but I am looking forward to it.

Hey I just realised, this is my first naked blog! Not that you wanted to know that, I have just seen a lot of male nudity this weekend and I think it's rubbed off (ahem!).

Actually, thinking of some of the things that happened I wonder if my mind will ever be quite the same????

Sweet dreams all ye peoples...

oh and p.s Cork has some really nice looking people there - but most of them were shit and arrogant, very rude to us. But then again, who wouldn't be wary of 23 scousers??? So don't take that judgement as offensive and sacred - because in reality one of the best friends I have ever had is from Cork and still lives there! 1 out of a few hundred thousand aint bad though

Well totally unrelated to the title, my dog died last Thursday just a couple of months before her 17th birthday. I am bitter and twisted, and now my mum is screwed up even more so because she has allowed herself to get sick. Yep blah blah - totally depressing blog. Hence I'm not here, I am far far away from my happy blog!

Hopefully all is well in the world for everyone else, and maybe next time I blog it'll be from Canada...

Till then - happy blogging!