MAgical mySTERy tour...

Not sure I'd let my kids watch it though - if I had any that is!

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said on Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict".

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

I figured out a way of cheering myself up! Firstly I had an omelette and now I have just bought myself this!

A wee fine tipple!

11.07pm - an early night for me!

Yes yes - thinking happy thoughts, I am back in this blog now! Night A/all!

So I waltzed in at 11.30am this morning! The night was a rather amazing eventful one! Yes yes I was rather hung over! And I had to drive to Kew to get a digital camera from Comet for someone at 1. Alas, it just wasn't happening! We got there at 4.30!

The problem is Kew is right by Southport, and it's the Southport flower show this weekend! I got caught up in that traffic and was very annoying! Yes yes Mr skilful driver tried to do a U'ie in the middle of the road and almost killed himself! But I survived and all was good!

I have some nice new friends in my life and I am happy - things are on the mend for me. I am still lonely, but I can handle this for the mean time. Still happy I haven't needed to write on my other blog just yet! Yes yes (edit - I seem to have developed a rather annoying stutter in this blog - hopefully I will have fixed it by the time I wake up tomorrow!!) I am happy within right now!

Oh God my eyes really do sting - right I am offski!

Ta ra again!

Well I am offski outski tonight! Liverpool beckons and it should be a rather good one. My poor tummy feels a little off, but nothing a nice bit of alcohol will solve, that I am sure!

I plan on pacing myself tonight because I don't want to turn into a right twit, and at the same time I am really rather tired. So shots from revolution it will be - just to wake me up of course!

On another note I spent the day looking at pants around ankles! All's I can say is it is very strange to have female staff toilets wedged open so you can see right in! Hmmmmm I didn't feel entirely comfortable but twas fun at the same time!

Oh and I had crumpets for dinner! I forget just how fit them things are!

Ta ra for now!

Someone miscalculated the match didn't they!!

But we're still going to head into town anyways! *does a jig*

Jeez I just want to put a bet on Martin Jol being the first manager to get the sack in the Premiership!!!! Can I find it? NO!!!

I think he said cunt! What do you think he said??? (in reference to that advert I keep seeing here in England!)

But it's ok I heard this and I resisted!

That's isn't what this blog is about though! I just want to say thank you to all the people who have spent time and effort cheering me up lately! You know who you are! Seriously, naked pics would have taken a lot less effort - but thats ok!

Somehow I managed to destroy a High School database today! It's a set of simple instructions too... Click Next next next next and sit there for an hour!

It's when things go wrong that the instructions become less clear! But thats ok - we have the power to restore! Good job I'm not a witch or I would have drained five years from my life using that power (according to the Covenant).

So how be all ye faithful bloggers tonight? Fine and dandy I hope!

Ta ra for now!

I am now offski to bed! Have a lovely night all!

I get that feeling I should be totally miserable again today - but I am not! I am surprisingly spritely! So spritely in fact I am going to bed at 8pm to relax! *ahem*

Oh and even more joyous moods, something went wrong with my Vodafone account and they've had to reset my texts to 1000 for this month! Woohoo!! So if anyone feels like texting me, I have loads!!! Just send me an email - all stalkers welcome!

See, Orange never did this to me! Even though they did sponsor the Mancs I am slightly starting to forgive Vodafone! (Although I can't have free delivery reports on my phone!)

But that's a rant for my other blog!

And tomorrow will be better! This is my new attitude in life! Even though today I somehow managed to break a system and lose all the users, and I got a stomach ache, it was still a good day!

I managed to re-add the users and I managed to get rid of my stomach ache (don't go using your imagination - it's not a great thought!).

What was wrong with me yesterday, I just don't know! I was so damn negative, yet you'd think that Man U only drawing against Reading would make me happy. AND Rooney broke his foot - I should have been even happier. But alas - I wasn't!

But that's the past, I have created a new blog for my negative thoughts (CLICK HERE) and so my magical mystery tour shall continue to by magical parts of my life! All hath been redesigned and I am happy with it.

Life shall always go on - and so shall my blog it seems

It's been quite a while since I have written posts like I used to. Ones which had feeling and actually said a little of what I was thinking at the time. So I will endeavour to reinvent my blogging self and at least try and get some of these obscurities out of my brain.

During the last couple of days I have been really agitated. I can't stop moving my legs / wiggling my toes / messing with my fingers in some weirdo way. It's like I am nervous about something which I don't know what I am nervous about.

Canada is going nowhere - well it's ground to a halt actually! I don't know what's happening at all there. I don't even know if I know what I want in life right now, it's stressing me out completely!

There's been rather a lot happening in this wee head of mine, last night I managed to sort one problem out though and that was good. For the last week or so I'm not entirely sure that my friends sister believed that I wasn't up for sex with her. But that's all clear now - so I am a little less stressed than I was on Friday!

People who I really want to talk to me just aren't. That's a crap thing too! Ok ya know what feck this post my mind is just blah blah blah!

Not bad!!

Sorry to all those people who tried to talk to me last night, I figured that since it took me 10 mins to write my previous post I should give it up as a bad joke!

So off to bed I went!

Wasn't such a good night afterall, only 5 of us lasted the night. The rest had all been to various footy matches and were too buggered to even come after drinking all day!

But we shall have another 21st for him whence his brother returns from his honeymoon! Yes yes - another excuse for a night out

*Stumbles into blog*

Goal of the season already!! Yes it's back and I'm buzzin! Tonight is going to be great!!!

*does a jig*

Ooooooh Campione - the one and only - we're Liverpool!!!

The season is here and it's so very strange the way my negative summer is suddenly over! Yes I had fun, but it's so difficult to find happiness during a time when there is no football!

The footy season is here - I am going to a 21st tonight, what could be better than that?

Oh yes - Liverpool winning, that is a must!!!

Come on 'El Nino' give us a goal (or 3)!!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I thought:
"Oh no a beard! I'm already late - I can't be arsed now!"

2. Favorite planet?
Neptune - it has a gorgeous colour!

3. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
My God Daughters mum - Joanne!

4. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Destination Calabria

5. Do you “label” yourself?
strange

6. What does your watch look like?
It's titanium Bulova - solar powered

7. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I'll take a guess based on probability - wanking!

8. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I've bought a nice new dress for tomorrow night"

9. What's a word or phrase that you say a lot?
Joy!

10. Last furry thing you touched?
Probably my own pubes! If they can be thought of as furry! Harsh fur! lol

11. Favorite age you have been so far?
I have a few ages that are drawing so far... I'd say 7-10, 17 and 18!

12. Your worst enemy?
My own ability to think myself into a state!

13. What is your current desktop picture?

14. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"I'm not going to the lucky pub because it's about time we didn't need it!"

15. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
Fly of course - it'd be only money!

16. Are you in love with someone?
Yes

17. The last song you listened to?
Some Moloko song!

18. What time of day were you born?
Early hours I think - who knows!

19. What's your favorite food?
Nando's!

20. Where did you live in 1984?
In Liverpool

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Yes I am! I am jealous of people who have the balls to change things!

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Maybe not now - but one person in particular was! He did get into my ex's knickers whilst I was at work though so I suspect he isn't jealous anymore!

23. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
On a team building course. It was a shocker and we didn't quite build any teams. We just watched that!

24. Do you consider yourself kind?
I fluctuate! Kind one minute, selfish the next!

25. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
I'd get a wolf facing you, in a forest next to a waterfall in the centre of my back!

26. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? German

27. Would you move for the person you loved?
Yes

28. What's your life motto?
I'll just make one up now hang on! "Time doesn't always heal, sometimes you have to fix things yourself!"

29. What's your favorite town/city?
Liverpool

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Two years ago

31. Can you change the oil on a car?
Yes - but not my one!

32. Your first love:
Is my best friend

33. Do you collect anything?
I seem to have a lot of failed loves

34. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
Last Saturday, a suit for my friends wedding!

35. Have you been burned by love?
No - never! I have been with ex's that I thought I loved, but I never did - it was just an illusion! The one person who I truly love will never burn me!

p.s. thank you Mahima! Oh and I wasn't in school doing maths too - I left that on by mistake! I deleted it now though!!

This is by far the best wildlife video I have ever seen! Be patient with it!

You will evolve - and it will all be ok!

Yes this is my mature blog of the day. As discussed in Paddy's blog I would like to put forward my suggestion for the use of Scotty's transporter!

First of all he should make them rather more user friendly and cheap - so we can mass produce them. Then he should make them as standard in toilets so that our poo and pee can be instantly beamed to another part of the world! This would save on copious amounts of water, and would eliminate the need for sewers!

Also, he should do a deal with Vodafone (yes I was gonna say Orange, but they ripped me off and they already have Orange Wednesdays!) so that someone can pay a monthly service to have their pee and poo beamed out from inside them using their transporting mobiles - whenst one has been caught short of course! Or not!

So do you think my idea will sell?

Only this time it's just for my cereal! Mmmmm Honey Cheerio's - nom nom nom (the noise I am making as I eat them!)

Twas a very good night - this bloody Lynx effect really works!! But I did get a good nights sleep in my own hotel room. Well, I say a good nights sleep - I mean a good couple of hours sleep!!!

The party finished and I ended up going back to the residents bar in the main hotel! It all went wrong from there

Right I'm offski to bed for a bit

Well suit pants anyways. The wedding starts at 12 - close to Chester. Remember the stag do I went to in Ireland? And then the stag reunion I went to a couple of weeks ago? Well... we finally have the wedding today!

I have my hotel room booked for tonight - and, contrary to what was believed, I wont be sharing it with anyone!

Bliss - I love having a room to myself, all tidy and minimalistic!

Trouble is, I probably wont get to enjoy the room much, I am ready for a very "merry" day! Lots of beer a plenty that I am sure. I am parking my car up at the place where the meal is, after the church ceremony of course, and then later on I will be walking to the hotel, checking in and getting a shower!

Then it's party time! My friends are very strange, they have their own ways of changing my mind about going to Canada - saying there are loads of single girls going! But alas my heart is set on going and so I shan't be meeting anyone here!

People can share my room of course - as long as they pay half!! And sleep on the floor or in the bath

Then again, the other £30 is worth being alone me thinks!

Bloody hell I only missed Big Brother for one day and it's all change over there! I didn't like it before, but in a strange way I miss how it was. I miss Chanelle and Ziggy's arguments and I can't quite get used to these newbies! I mean Jonty was completely fake when he came in - just look at him now (relatively normal). Kara Louise or whatever her name is, is lovely one minute and then a really annoying cry baby the next! David is just strange looking but seems aright to me. Shanessa is actually quite a nice person if you look through the strange slutty clothing and her complete lack of shyness towards her own body. Amy however, has nothing going for her apart from nice tits! (Did I say tits on my blog - feck I must be turning into a lad!). So yeah Amy isn't even pretty. Oh she has nice hair - tits and hair - that's Amy!

Did I miss anyone? Who knows - who cares! Just keep Tracy in, I'm afraid it's goodbye Shanessa and Kara-Louise!

As a strange consequence from all this change, Titty aka Ziggy is becoming rather more popular. Well so it appears - everyone has forgotten about his twatedness when it came to Chanelle. Maybe she was just one of them "me me me" people who deserved it

Mwahahahahaha *evil laugh*

Oh yeah and Liam, lock up your hundred grand and keep it far far away from that money grabbing attention seeking moose - aka Amy aka the one with nice tits!

My new favourite film of all time!

I have no words!

Well I do - a few - just erm, well wow!

And...

Feckin hell!!!

Just go see the damn thing and sit there in awe of this creation! It's going to be a very long time before I see as good a film on the cinema again, that is for sure!